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Being nice is not going to end racism | Robin DiAngelo

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After several decades of doing this work I feel like I know my people fairly well, and most people, most white people are not going to do anything different. Most white people that attend my workshops will say “Wow, that was really interesting or provocative,” if they’re open. If they’re not open they’ll just have their reasons why they have to reject what I said. But even those who are open to the message, if it is not sustained it won’t make much of an impact.
I often say when I’m in front of a group “Everything outside of this room will compel you not to see this anymore.” The forces are incredibly seductive. The forces of white solidarity, the forces of keeping other white people comfortable, the forces to not see or name any of this. And if you don’t put some kind of structure around yourself to keep you focused there you’re going to slip right back into the status quo.
For so many white people we think that the answer to racism is friendliness. If you notice the evidence that most white people will give for why they’re not racist, one of their top pieces of evidence is “I know people of color. I have friends of color.” If we look at that evidence as a way to understand the deeper structure of meaning, right, it’s actually quite revealing. So in order for a claim like that—“I know people of color, I have friends of color” —In order for a claim like that to be good evidence of my lack of racism, a racist can’t be able to do that. Otherwise it’s not good evidence. “This is what distinguishes me from a racist. I have people of color in my life. I live in New York City. I was in Teach for America. I went to a diverse school.” These are all the claims that white people will make for their lack of racism. Well that must mean a racist cannot live in New York City, could not know or speak to or be friendly to people of color, could not be in the Peace Corp, et cetera. And I’m hoping you can see right now how ridiculous that evidence is. Because even in an avowed racist can do all of those things. So most white people believe that niceness is all it takes, and the status quo of our society is the reproduction of racial inequality. That’s what it does. It’s a default of all of our institutions, our norms and our policies. It’s what our society does, it’s what it’s always done.
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