Why fake peace is worse than good conflict | Priya Parker

Not all conflict is bad. Expert @Priya_Parker explains how “heat” can be harnessed for good.

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In this Big Think interview, Priya Parker, a conflict resolution facilitator and author, discusses the importance of conflict or what she prefers to call "heat" in human relationships. She begins by challenging the common perception that conflict is solely negative, associated with scandal and division. Instead, Parker argues that healthy conflict or heat is essential for meaningful change and human connection.

She introduces the concept of heat mapping, a tool used in conflict resolution, which identifies sensitive or heated moments within a group. This mapping is comparable to a doctor locating tender areas. Understanding these moments of heat helps facilitators like Parker guide conversations that are relevant and impactful for individuals and groups. The goal is to enable authentic connections and provide a path forward for resolving conflicts.

As a conflict-averse facilitator herself, Parker empathizes with those who feel discomfort in conflictual situations. She highlights the importance of developing the skill to hold rising heat in a room. This skill requires self-awareness and the willingness to become more comfortable with conflict. Both conflict-averse individuals and troublemakers play crucial roles in fostering healthy conflict resolution.

0:00 Conflict vs. unhealthy peace
1:09 Thinking in terms of ‘heat’
2:38 Heat-mapping conflicts
3:53 Know your own conflict style

Read the video transcript ► https://bigthink.com/series/the-big-think-interview/fix-hidden-conflict/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=video&utm_campaign=youtube_description

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About Priya Parker:
Priya Parker is helping us take a deeper look at how anyone can create collective meaning in modern life, one gathering at a time. She is a facilitator, strategic advisor, acclaimed author of The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why it Matters, and the host of the New York Times podcast, Together Apart. Parker has spent 15 years helping leaders and communities have complicated conversations about community, identity, and vision at moments of transition. Trained in the field of conflict resolution, Parker advises and teaches leaders how to gather in ways that create the culture, effectiveness, and very essence of what it means to be them.

Parker’s The Art of Gathering (Riverhead, 2018) has been named a Best Business Book of the year by Amazon, Esquire Magazine, NPR, the Financial Times, 1-800-CEO-READS, and Bloomberg. She has spoken on the TED Main Stage and is a popular, sought-after speaker. Parker’s work has been featured in numerous outlets including the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, NPR, TED, Forbes, Real Simple Magazine, Oprah.com, Bloomberg, Glamour, the Today Show, and Morning Joe. She lives in Brooklyn, NY with her husband and two children.

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